


just like a thorn without a rose

by stressedvirgo



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheating, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, They are all adults here don't worry, Unhealthy Relationships, implied/referenced drinking, sukhoon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:06:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stressedvirgo/pseuds/stressedvirgo
Summary: Their relationship was beautiful, just like a rose. Burning red. Passionate. Alluring.The beauty of what they felt kept them coming back for each other, wanting more, oblivious to the fact that the thorns will prick, hurt, and bleed them if one hold too carelessly and the other too tightly.Jihoon wonders, between the two, which one he is.
Relationships: Choi Hyunsuk/Park Jihoon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	just like a thorn without a rose

**Author's Note:**

> Story inspired by song 1,2 by Lee Hi featuring Hyunsuk. Title taken from the lyrics.
> 
> EDITED IN A RUSH. All mistakes are mine. I hope you still enjoy reading!

Jihoon stands outside, arms folded as he leans back to the wall. Too lost in his thoughts.  
  
The dark alleyway at the back of the bar perfectly hides him from any bar goers that pass by and the back door of the place is the only barrier separating him from the blaring noise and loud crowd cheering inside.  
  
He used to enjoy this kind of scenes. Getting wasted in the middle of the crowded floor, sweaty bodies surrounding him, the sound of guitars and drums playing too loudly as the vocalist sing, as Jihoon stares, unwavering, to the drummer he knows too well who looks back at him with a glint of mischief and hint of lust in his eyes.  
  
It was music to Jihoon's ear and paradise to his body.  
  
But that was before.  
  
Now, being in that kind of scene only suffocates him and leaves him exhausted and head aching as the noise only gets louder and unbearable, that he rarely attends gigs anymore.  
  
As he waits outside, Jihoon appears calm and collected, but if one looked closely enough, the sharp look on his eyes and his clenched jaws show how troubled, pissed, and worried he is for two days now.  
  
Being a former regular of the bar has its perks. Now, he's already familiar with its every corner, especially the back door that leads to this dark alleyway he is at, along with the dirty brick walls where his back has been pushed against for too many times as his lips get kissed roughly and his body pleasured deliriously.  
  


  
Jihoon met his boyfriend in that very bar a year ago. He was not yet really interested in dating anyone seriously then, as he finds casual dates and hook ups more enjoyable without the pressure and burden of being in a relationship. But that night when Jihoon and some of his friends thought that it'd be a good idea to unwind and get wasted, he should've known that his world will turn upside down.

He had too many drinks then, to even think rationally, when the hot drummer who he's been shamelessly ogling at approaches him, bought him a drink, and shamelessly flirted back with him. As the then stranger leaned too close to him, their cheeks touching as the guy whispered the very cliche _"you're place or mine?",_ voice filled with lust, Jihoon could only shyly asked whichever is nearer and they immediately went out of the bar and hailed a taxi. When they stumbled inside the stranger's apartment and frantically kissed each other and discarded each other's clothes, and when they woke up the next morning with limbs tangled together but there's no awkwardness- just a comfortable presence that already felt strangely and heartwarmingly domestic for Jihoon, and when they continued to see each other and spend their days and nights together... Jihoon should've known then. That this drummer will make him fall head over heels, all rational thoughts out of the window, as Jihoon's feelings grew stronger and deeper over the coming days.  
  
It was a time of burning passion, unending hunger, and intense attraction towards each other. It was beautiful, just like a rose. Burning red. Passionate and alluring. The beauty of what they felt kept them coming back for each other, wanting more, oblivious to the fact that the thorns will prick, hurt, and bleed them if one hold too carelessly and the other too tightly.  
  
Jihoon wonders, between the two, which one he is.  
  


  
Because he's known this place too well, he also knows which corners are the darkest and will perfectly hide his figure away from patrons going in and out of the back door.  
  
It seemed like the gig has ended when the noise finally quieted down, and intoxicated college kids starts to file out in the streets. Jihoon looks at his watch. Any minute now, the one he is waiting for will burst through the door. Either drunk or high, or if by some miracle, sober.  
  
But the sight that greeted him is not what he expected.  
  
Two familiar figures stumble together, trying to walk properly in their obviously drunken state, as the taller one with jet black hair and bangs almost reaching his eyes, slings his arm over the shoulders of his companion and leans too close for Jihoon's comfort towards the shorter man who's holding drumsticks on one hand and holding the taller's waist on another.  
  
The sight angers Jihoon but the scowl on his face is hidden by the darkness of the place.  
  
_"I won't cheat on you."_ Jihoon's mind suddenly remembering the conversation they had weeks ago. " _So_ , _stop assuming things."_  
  
So, he tries his best to push down the ugly feeling of jealousy and doubt creeping up on him as he strides towards the two figures walking further away from him and towards the open street, making sure that his feet make no noise.  
  
The two are too preoccupied with laughing at something, faces too close as they keep whispering, to even notice Jihoon standing behind them with keen eyes flickering back and forth towards them.  
  
When Jihoon's presence still went unnoticed, he finally decided to speak up.  
  
"Hyunsuk-hyung."  
  
And the two jumped in surprise, detaching from each other instinctively, as if they have just been caught doing something wrong. _Were they?_ Jihoon would laugh at how funny they looked with their awkward nervous faces if only he wasn't too caught up with controlling his emotions.  
  
Because right now, the last thing Jihoon wants to do is laugh.  
  
"O..oh, Jihoon. You're here." Hyunsuk, the one holding the drumsticks, said trying to look as if he was not flustered by Jihoon's unannounced presence. But Jihoon knew better.  
  
When the silence became too awkward with palpable tension, Hyunsuk speaks up again. "You remember Byounggon-hyung, right? We were just talking about band stuff."  
  
Jihoon wants to scoff, the question sounding stupid to him as the jealousy he's feeling almost reaching the threshold that he can contain.  
  
Of course, he remembers Byounggon. How can Jihoon forget him? He can never forget. So much has happened in the last two months that the guy became their new vocalist and guitarist. Hyunsuk almost spends the whole day and _night_ with him. And when he and Hyunsuk are together, the latter almost never shuts up about Byounggon. Of course, Jihoon brought it up with Hyunsuk. How they spend less time together and how Hyunsuk gives almost all his time to the band. But the man just brushed it off, saying a half-heart apology but also blames it on Jihoon's studies and him no longer attending their gigs.  
  
Jihoon only met Byounggon a handful of times but he feels like he already knows the man inside and out with how frequent Hyunsuk talks about him.  
  
Jihoon only nods, lips pressed in a thin line. He didn't even bother bowing. Byounggon will gain his respect if he deserves it. His gaze landed next to the man beside Hyunsuk who looks guilty, Jihoon's eyes giving a silent message. _I know and this is my warning_ _to you._  
  
And it seems like the man got his message because he immediately excused himself, saying that he forgot some stuff, and goes back inside the bar.  
  
When they were left alone, no one spoke for a moment. Hyunsuk speaks up first.  
  
"We're just friends, Jihoon."  
  
"Did I say anything, hyung?"  
  
"Yeah, no. But I know you." _Do you? Really?_  
  
"If you really do know me then you should've known to text or call me. How could you not tell me where you were these past 2 days?" They didn't even have a fight then, but Hyunsuk just decided to suddenly disappear without any notice, leaving him very anxious and worried. He contacted everyone he knew, hoping that someone saw or met him. He even texted and called Hyunsuk's bandmates, but every message and call went unanswered. Jihoon only knew to come to the bar because one of Hyunsuk's bandmates finally responded that they would have a gig there.  
  
"I forgot, Jihoon. And my phone died."  
  
Jihoon scoffs. Same old excuses, same old lies. "So? Where were you?" He asks again, far from dropping the issue. Hyunsuk glares at him.  
  
"We were out practicing our set for tonight's gig. That's all."  
  
But Jihoon is not satisfied with the answer because he knows it's not the whole truth, that there's something his boyfriend is not telling him. If Hyunsuk knows him then Jihoon knows him just as well, even more. "Where?"  
  
"I was with my bandmates."  
  
Jihoon closes his eyes in frustration. "Stop avoiding my questions and just fucking answer it. Where. Were. You."  
  
"Fine! I was at Byounggon's!" Hyunsuk finally snaps, raising his voice in the middle of a quiet night, making Jihoon flinch. "Happy now?"  
  
Of course, he's not. He fucking knew it. He's far from happy. He's furious.  
  
Hyunsuk starts to walk away but Jihoon, now angry by the sudden outburst and constant lying, charges after the older.  
  
"And you didn't even bother texting me? Calling me? Do you even know how worried I was?! I barely slept thinking something might've happened to you!"  
  
Hyunsuk rolls his eyes, finding the whole situation annoying. "I told you my phone fucking died. Stop being overdramatic, Jihoon."  
  
"You weren't home for two days, hyung! How can you expect me not to get worried?!" Jihoon yells, running his hands through his hair, exasperated. "Your bandmates has my number. You could've texted me if you really wanted to! Even that Byounggon has my number!"  
  
Jihoon was close to tears now. This has always been a problem between him and Hyunsuk, with Jihoon constantly nagging Hyunsuk because of their lack of communication filled by Hyunsuk's lies in between.  
  
"Is this about Byounggon? Is this why you're lashing out on me like this, in a middle of the night? Because you're jealous?! Fuck!" Hyunsuk exclaims, kicking a random stone by his feet out of frustration. Jihoon can't believe they are fighting out in the public, thank goodness there's no one else around, but Hyunsuk started it. And Jihoon's not one to back down when he's provoked.  
  
"You know this is not just about Byounggon, Hyunsuk-hyung! You keep lying and hiding things from me! And you... you cheated on me! You can’t tell me not to get jealous!"  
  
"It was just a kiss, Jihoon! It was nothing. It happened once and we were both drunk! It was just a mistake! A mistake I admitted and said sorry to. Just let it go, for fuck's sake!"  
  
"It's easier said than done when you're not in my position..." Jihoon says softly, the memory of a month ago still fresh to him and only wounds him more. "You say it was nothing, but I see the way that guy looks at you."  
  


  
Jihoon can still remember it too well.

Hyunsuk and his band landed a pretty huge gig and that night, there was an afterparty to celebrate. Jihoon was running late because he had to finish papers due the next day that he wasn't able to do earlier in the week because Hyunsuk akways asked him to come to their band rehearsal after his classes, to which he always agreed to. The party, held at one of Hyunsuk's bandmate's apartment, was already on full swing when he arrived. There were quite a lot of people, most of them he's unfamiliar with. Well, being in two cosmically different fields, Jihoon a premed student and Hyunsuk a music major, it's normal that Jihoon only knows a handful of people from Hyunsuk's circle of friends. There's Hyunsuk bandmates and oh, Byounggon, who had been the band's vocals for only a month then. Jihoon treaded through the crowded living room, the smell of cigarettes and alcoholic drink laced with something else starts to bother him, while his eyes are busy scanning the room to look for his boyfriend.  
  
That's when Jihoon found them. Seated on the sofa. Hyunsuk on Byounggon's lap as they disgustingly suck each other's face off.

It was a blur what happened next, but he knows that his fist landed on Hyunsuk's face first and then on Byounggon's next. It was a mess after that. He and Hyunsuk almost broke up, only making up when Byounggon personally apologized to him. But after all that, it was no longer the same for Jihoon. He was already hurt, his trust already broken, but his heart still foolishly clinging to his boyfriend, as he goes where Hyunsuk goes. But as Jihoon started to hate the smell of cigarettes and alcohol, and when the loud pounding noise of Hyunsuk's gigs are no longer music to his ears, he watched their gigs less and less. He still watched their performance when he can, but he mostly stayed backstage, away from the crowd and intoxicating air. The only disadvantage with staying there is that he can clearly see Byounggon steal glances at his boyfriend. Jihoon can only grit his teeth and suck it up.  
  
Jihoon brought it up once, about changing their band's vocalist or talking Hyunsuk to focus on his studies this time since Hyunsuk is going to be in his final year soon. But the topic only caused another argument. Because the _drunken mistake_ was still fresh in Jihoon's mind and he was afraid that Hyunsuk might leave him that time, he no longer talked about it again.  
  
Hyunsuk changed, too. Of course, after the incident, Hyunsuk made amends diligently. He became more caring and affectionate towards Jihoon, they made love almost every day, showered Jihoon with sweet words and songs that almost made Jihoon forget what happened. Almost. But then as time passed by and Jihoon was starting to let his guard down again, the affection and attention given to him by Hyunsuk lessens. The changes in Hyunsuk were not sudden. They were gradual and unnoticeable at first, until the Hyunsuk that Jihoon knew and loved was almost unrecognizable.  
  


  
Back to the present, Jihoon watches as Hyunsuk palms his face, the fight making him visibly sober but only more tired. "I'm done with this repeatitive shit. I'm too tired to have a fight with you. Go back to the apartment first, don't wait up for me." _He says he's tired but why is he going back to the bar?_  
  
Jihoon only stares at his retreating figure. Hyunsuk used to call their shared apartment _home_ and when they have fights, especially a big one like this, he would never walk out on Jihoon and always made sure to talk it out with him.  
  
"Not even a sorry?" Jihoon mumbles sadly as he only watches Hyunsuk walk further away from him as the distance between him and Hyunsuk widen even more.  
  
Jihoon's exhausted too, the two days of not having proper rest and attending his classes and constant worrying over his boyfriend, now taking a toll on his body and mind. His head starts to ache, and he pinches the bridge of his nose, hoping to lessen the ache. Reluctantly and with an even more wounded heart than before, he went home alone.  
  
He didn't know how long he slept or if he even slept at all. Jihoon's mind is hazy, not with alcohol, but with endless thoughts running in his mind. He's no longer angry, instead he's hurting, but the one who causes his pain is not even by his side doing god knows what. Jihoon grasps the blankets that surrounding him tighter, as he covers himself in its warmth while he drowns in his feelings.  
  
It must've been past 3 in the morning when Jihoon hears a noise from their tiny living room. Hyunsuk is now home, if this is still a _home_ to him, but Jihoon remains motionless while buried in his blanket with no plans of confronting his boyfriend and continuing the fight they left off earlier. Jihoon is tired. In the next 3 or 4 hours he'll be swamped with his classes and requirements once again. He's been lagging behind in too many classes, and if he's not careful, he might fail some of his premed courses. Jihoon can't have that. He will need all the rest he can have.  
  
But his boyfriend thinks otherwise. Jihoon sees the door open. It's dark and he can barely see a thing with the curtains closed not even letting the glow of the moonlight in, but Hyunsuk knows his way around. Jihoon feels a slight dip in the bed, his back facing where Hyunsuk sits but he stays still, wondering what's on the latter's mind. The room becomes lit when Hyunsuk turned on the bedside lamp and he can finally see that Jihoon is not sleeping.  
  
"Jihoon..." Hyunsuk calls out, voice gentle, far from the harsh angry yells he gave Jihoon earlier. Jihoon remains silent. He already knows what Hyunsuk's going to say anyway. He'll apologize maybe once or twice, he'll come up with an excuse, and he'll say it won't happen again, only to do it again and lie once more in a few days or weeks. It's fucking tiring.  
  
Jihoon takes a long deep breath. Hyunsuk calls him once more, hands reaching out to his arms as he makes Jihoon turns towards him. Jihoon did not fight it as he let himself be faced with his boyfriend. The man he loves so much even when he keeps hurting him.  
  
"Babe..."  
  
"Don't." Jihoon closes his eyes, stopping the tears from welling in his eyes. "If you're just going to make some excuses and lie again, then don't say anything. Just don't." His voice cracks at the last sentence, revealing what he's truly feeling. Jihoon loves him so much but it hurts too much, too.  
  
Hyunsuk cups his face and it took Jihoon his all to not flinch away from the touch, because despite being hurt and betrayed, Hyunsuk is the only one who can comfort him with just a touch. "I'm sorry, Jihoonie." _First apology._  
  
Jihoon still refuses to look at Hyunsuk.  
  
"I'm really sorry." _Second apology._ "I got too caught up with the band practice that I didn't notice my phone died. I promise this won't happen again." _And the lame excuse and promise that soon will be broken._  
  
Jihoon only sighs and nods, eyes still closed, burrowing his face into the pillow. He's tired. So fucking tired. It's been a long day and night. He just wants the conversation to end and to finally sleep. Just as when he thought Hyunsuk is finally done with his overused phrases, the guy whispers, "Here's my peace offering to you." _Peace offering?_ That's a first.  
  
And Jihoon feels something in his hand. It felt like a thin stick, with rough edges that sometimes prick at his fingers as he feels it around. Piqued with curiousity now, Jihoon finally opens his eyes.  
  
There in his hand lays a rose.  
  
How fitting.  
  
Jihoon stares at the flower, taking in its wilting appearance. The petals slowly decaying with its edges wrinkling and slowly turning into black. Except the stem and the thorns. Specifically, the thorns. Despite the fading beauty of the rose, the thorns are still perfectly intact, ready to prick anyone who dares mishandle the stem. _How very fitting._  
  
At that point, Jihoon didn't realize he was crying. Of what? A lot of reasons. Because he was moved by the sweet gesture of his boyfriend. Because he can see their relationship in form of the rose, wilting and full of thorns. Because he's just too tired, physically, and mentally. And he's tired of being jealous too, of fighting for his place in his boyfriend's life, of questioning Hyunsuk's love for him. He only noticed he was crying when Hyunsuk cups his cheeks and wiped his tears away.  
  
His gaze shifts to Hyunsuk. It wasn't filled with rage or mistrust, this time, it was filled with exhaustion like Jihoon is one push away from giving up their year worth of relationship. Who can blame him when these past two months, all he and Hyunsuk ever does is fight with each other?  
  
Hyunsuk holds both of his hands as he stares back right into his eyes. "I'm sorry."

And Jihoon can finally feel a tiny bit sincerity in the overused apology. Jihoon only nods as he stares at their entwined hands. It's been so long since Hyunsuk last held his hands and despite all the anguish feelings he's having, the warm feeling brought by Hyunsuk's touch is still etched to his mind, body, and soul. And it comforts him a little.  
  
Jihoon gets embraced in Hyunsuk's arm first. And then the kisses are next. A light peck on his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, and then on his lips. Jihoon is still reluctant, not kissing back the way Hyunsuk wants him too, but the older is relentless and still kisses Jihoon with fervor, tongue poking, asking for permission to be let in, for Jihoon to let him show his love again. Jihoon pulls away from the kiss. Though his eyes are glazed with lust that perfectly mirrors Hyunsuk's own, his mind is still hazy from overthinking. But Hyunsuk doesn't accept rejection. The older man resumes his kisses, more desperate this time, as he climbs onto the bed and straddles Jihoon's body.  
  
Hyunsuk takes off his shirt first. The dimming light of the lamp not giving justice to the perfection in front of Jihoon. He can't resist raking his eyes over his lover's body, taking in every detail, every curve, and planes. And when his gaze landed on Hyunsuk's neck, he thought he saw a bruise at the junction of the man's neck and shoulder. But he got distracted away as Hyunsuk starts to palm him and he can't help but close his eyes and let out a groan. And Jihoon just settled on the thought that what he saw was just his eyes playing tricks on him in the dark and he completely forgets about it as Hyunsuk bites his earlobe and whispers seductively.  
  
"Let me make it up to you."  
  
Jihoon can only nod, willingly giving himself- all of him, to Hyunsuk once again.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back at Byounggon's apartment, the man smiles ever so widely, feeling giddy and happy, as he looks at the object on the top of his desk.  
  
A bouquet of roses.  
  
That Hyunsuk sneakily left earlier that day, a secret behind the back of an oblivious Park Jihoon.

**Author's Note:**

> I really reallyyy like the song 1,2 by Lee Hi ft. Hyunsuk. The upbeat song and angsty lyrics are a very interesting contrast that I thought "hmm 1,2 inspired au but make it sadder" LOL. Did I mention that I'm a sucker for sukhoon, too? Tho, I'm sorry, I can't smut HAHA and that I made Hyunsuk the bad guy T.T It's all fiction anyways.
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE SOME COMMENTS, EVEN AS AN ANONYMOUS. I WOULD LOVE TO READ YOUR FEEDBACK <3 THANK YOU FOR READING!


End file.
